Facing Difficulties with Friends

When you are having difficulty with friends, you are always welcome to come talk to your counselor, a parent/guardian or anyone with whom you feel comfortable when you are hurting or confused.

Sometimes though, we just need to think differently. There are some things we can control in life and many things we TRY to control but very few things we can actually control. Focus on what you can control (what you think, say and do).

Listen to how you talk to friends. Avoid blaming, accusing, name calling. The more difficult, more mature thing to do is to talk about how you feel about what is going on rather than your judgment about what is going on. Also, share the beliefs or expectations you have of relationships. Tell what you would like (try to say that as a request and not a demand).

When we have difficulty with friends, there are many possible reasons. Some of those reasons are when we break one of the four agreements for a positive and happy life. Okay, so maybe you didn't make these agreements. If you did and if you have kept them, you probably have relationships that feel good most of the time.

Those four agreements are:

Don't take anything personal. When someone else does something we find unkind or unfair, it just really isn't about you, no matter how much you think it is.

Never make assumptions. It is important to never assume we know what someone else said or maybe meant by a comment. When we are willing to "check it out", we often find our assumptions are not 100% accurate. When we are willing to listen to someone else, it improves our relationships.

Be impeccable with your word.  This means being honest with the person involved and yourself, you don't talk about someone to anyone else and you speak from your heart about how you feel (not blaming, accusing, name calling, using sarcasm, etc.). Be willing to ask for what you need without making someone else responsible for meeting that need.

Always do your best. That statement means many things. Do all your behaviors (work/play/relaxation) purposefully and with pride, not sloppily or hurriedly. Be able to set boundaries. Refuse to be around when someone is being unkind. Take a break when you need it, speak up for yourself when needed and allow yourself to seek guidance from wise counsel - whoever you find that to be.